sorry to disrupt the peace, by patrick cottrell

helen moran, uneasily woman, unreliable narrator, transracial adoptee, ethnically korean, lives in new york city helping her "troubled young people," but had a painful upbringing in wisconsin with her white adoptive parents and adoptive brother. one day, she hears from a distant relative that her adoptive brother has committed suicide. she returns to her childhood home to understand what happened, to conduct a kind of metaphysical investigation. she digs through bookshelves, closets, memories. she tries to talk to her parents and neighbors, but it's like she's out of sync with everyone around her. when she speaks they don't respond, or they look at her like something on the bottom of their shoe. the entire book is sustained and propelled by helen's inner monologue, which is ridiculous and crass, and funny, and punctuated with moments of deep despair, and is above all relatable, even, especially, in the way that the thoughts we find repulsive and alienating rise occasionally to the surface. i thought this book was really special, and i hold it dearly, while hesitating to recommend to anyone for whom it might be triggering. it's really messy, which is also its power. a lifetime of bitterness, confusion and pain unraveling.

matigari, by ngũgĩ wa thiong'o

an invigorating anti-imperialist fable about searching for truth and justice where neither can bloom freely. mesmerizing as an oral "history," and vital as a reminder that there must always be struggle whereever there are those who "sow but do not reap" and those who "reap but do not sow."

the changeling, by joy williams

lucid, magical, raw. it's hard to even talk about what it's about. just know when i put it down, i felt like it was unquestionably one of my favorite books ever. im already looking forward to the eventual reread and to reading all of her other books. essential!

kakukaku shikajika (my blank canvas journey), by akiko higashimura

a lighthearted story about the long, messy road to "becoming" an artist; a bittersweet story about finding, and losing, a mentor. a story about looking back at the immature, self-absorbed person you used to be, the people you let down, & the time you didn't realize was precious til it was gone. as it was with tarareba girls, she knows how to make me laugh and cry; one flows naturally into the other, is never far apart from.

sigh. she's so real.

long live the tribe of fatherless girls, by t kira madden

i cried reading the last third of this book on the train, the section about her mother's childhood, but specifically the moment when she and her mother connect with her long-lost half-sister (? it's been a while). an uncomfortably honest portrait of an adolescence.

voyage to arcturus, by david lindsay

a really powerful book, practically vibrates with otherworldly energy. a scifi adventure story from the 1920s about a man who visits the planet of tormance, where every region is ruled by different ways of being and thinking and sensing.. densely packed with spiritual/philosophical ideas, unforgettable imagery (the descriptions in this book are sooo juicy), and just some really cool worldbuilding. one.. interesting aspect of this book is that it's pretty playful about gender—there are characters who aren't "male" or "female", including one minor character who uses ae/aer pronouns (\?\!)—at the same time that it also appeals to and centers very rigid, essentialist ideas about gender, which can be tiresome after a while. but a most of this novel felt so fresh, so ambitious and mystical, i couldn't help falling in love with it. thanks again for the rec, nilson :-)

prison memoirs of a japanese woman, by kaneko fumiko

it feels like a small miracle that this exists as a historical document. i was thoroughly absorbed in this, so struck by the clarity and immediacy of her voice, her aches and despairs, and her longing for a better life and a more just world. she ends the prologue with this: "I would like all people who wish to better this world to read this."

through the arc of the rain forest, by karen tei yamashita

i loved this book. it reminded me of vonnegut without some of the unsavoriness of vonnegut. the whirlwind of characters from vastly different backgrounds being swept up in this playful rube-goldberg machine narrative which, propelled by greed, desire, ignorance, leads to the most devastating conclusion. those last few pages floored me. i want to read everything she's ever written.

galapagos, by kurt vonnegut

years later, i've been getting to some books i never read by my high school self's favorite author. i listened to the grad school vonnegut podcast and i wanted to see why this was one of their most beloved, if not the most, and i get it now. to me it feels like a reimagining of the apocalypse from cat's cradle, but less pointedly satirical, with a lighter touch. every joke is a little heartbreaking, every tragedy etc. i can't recommend everything about his books, uncomfortable as they can get, but the parts that touch me (there are many) have touched me so deeply. i see his influence in the other books that i love.

lesser known monsters of the 21st century, by kim fu

this one found me, not the other way, in a local library. i'm not usually reading the newest freshest books (this had been published only a few months prior), though something about the title + author combo and blurbs made me want to give it a shot. i'm really glad i did! i liked this book in similar ways as i do karen russell's work, specifically st lucy's home for girls raised by wolves; these stories can feel playful but with a keen sense of longing, grief. i don't think every story here stands out, but that's ok. the ones that do (like the last story) feel special and worth it.

toukyou tarareba musume (tokyo tarareba girls), by akiko higashimura

about three japanese women, longtime friends, who find themselves in their 30s "still" unmarried; who hang at the same bar every night to get drunk, and reminisce about how their lives could've gone differently; who try, stumble, try again to find love and happiness. i watched princess jellyfish a couple years ago and was really taken with it, but reading this cemented akiko higashimura in my mind as someone who a) gets it, and b) has the power to be so fucking funny. every other panel, reaction and facial expression in this manga was specifically designed to make me laugh. i love that this is a story about adults that fully embraces silliness and immaturity alongside loneliness, heartbreak, the unshakeable feeling of being lost. i forget where i read it, but possibly mangakakalot.

the maze of transparencies, by karen an-hwei lee

a book with its own language, beautiful, poetic and strange. i felt like i was navigating a dense thicket. i couldn't fall in love with it, but i also can't help but want to read it again, to pick it apart, sure that there'll be something more there next time.

so, so good in ways that feel geared toward me and what i love in books. the freewheeling play with genre and form, the confessionality, technology as a vessel for grief. when i came to this part, i thought of vonnegut again:

'Hello? Is this you?' I say. 'Is this the right place? Well I hope so because I feel pretty awful. I'm right on the edge of giving it all up. I don't think I'm very good at anything. I don't enjoy anything. Everything tastes gray and I'm alone and all I do is eat butter pecan ice cream.'
I pause and listen but the dog doesn't make any sounds.
'Hello, hello? Hello dog?' I say into the microphone. 'Dear dog,' I say. 'Dear dog, hallowed be thy name,' I say into the microphone. 'Dear dog, hallowed be thy name, your kingdom come, your will be done.'

really special, i need to read this again.